Amazing Happenings

Since my last post a few weeks ago, strange things have been happening.  The way they all connect tells me they are being sent down especially for me.  I have noted them all in my mind under "Notes to Self". 

I'm not sure what is next.  I have chewed and chewed on all of them again and again, nothing, they are all still just notes.  I think I'm afraid and that really irritates me. 

I have spent the past two years climbing out of the bottomless well I fell into without warning.  They were filled with a type of fear and paranoia I never knew existed.  I used to read it all the time "feeling alone in a room full of people" and thought it sounded dumb.  It is very real, I found out just how real it was.  The noise in my head was unbearable along with the ringing in my ears.  Somedays I would feel like I was in slow motion, just like you see in the movies when something is going to happen. 
I hit rock bottom about two years ago and today I can say I have climbed out of that well, but still sitting on the edge.  I'm terrified I will fall back in, but yet I can't get off the edge either. 

That's frustrating to me, I have these amazing experiences that I am stumbling upon and I am still afraid.  Why am I hesitating?  I wish I knew the answer.

I will continue to review my notes everyday, I don't want to lose them and I hope that I will be able to put them all together, apply them and live by them the way God wants me to.


Lily